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               Yesterday, I broke up with Kaylin. Come Oct. 2nd, we would have been going out for 9 months. But we broke up regardless. I needed the space necessary to succeed in college while also not compromising my emotional capacity in these stressful times. I needed to think about things realistically. I'm studying full-time in college, working full-time at Denny's, and "trying" not to fuck up my military career. This relationship obviously needed to end. Everyone around me was convinced that it wasn't going to last, even months ago. I myself knew that things would be easier if things just came to a close.

           So why does it hurt?????

                       Why do I ache????

                               Why is there this empty space??? This void????

             Recently I was informed by Kaylin about a conversation that took place between her and my bestfriend Chris when he came over while I was at work. She said that he had told her that if he could, that he would fuck her (mind you, we're still together during this time), he also extended an offer to her, that if she ever just wanted to have a fuck,...then she was more than welcome to call him and come over. Betrayal perhaps???? I'm not sure where the details fall. I just know that I'm angry,....and there's no medium to flush things out like I want them to.

                              But wait, there's more.

          I decided to take Kaylin out to the Comedy Caravan tonight to ease things, get out of the house and hang out. Now she's hanging out with the comedian,......because she gave him her phone number while I was out in the rain fetching the car.

                                         I'm not sure whether my distaste for the action can be categorized as jealousy on my part,.....or insensitivity on hers.

       I just know that I feel lonely. I feel like the void inside of me is heavy, and I'm left all alone to bear it.

    I just feel lonely now. I feel like the void within me is heavy, and now I'm completely alone to bear it in silence.